It’s awesome to have him home; it really is. It is also a little weird. Remember when you went ‘home’ between school years? Home was ‘home’ right, but not quite the same? And you were ‘grown-up’ right? But mom still made dinner. Mom still runs the house. You both feel like and don’t feel like you should report in on what your plans are, what you’re doing?
Well, turns out it works the same on the grown up side. I want to be ‘mom’. But I don’t want to be ‘mom’. Letting go of daily responsibilities and worries has been kind of nice. It’s weird to be expected to welcome those responsibilities and worries back. And the expectation comes from both myself and the kid; it’s not a one way street.
The whole situation has kind of paralyzed me. I haven’t done much except watch TV and talk to the kid and cook dinners (way more dinners than for just the three of us – there’s still another kid at home). And I’m not sure why this has happened.
Obviously our family life has evolved since he went away to school a year ago. And we all kind of like the new dynamic. But in NO WAY EVER would I want to imply that he is not welcome back. I love him. He is welcome anytime. And I don’t want him to feel like family life has evolved to something he doesn’t recognize or doesn’t where he doesn’t feel welcome.
He starts a summer job on Monday. That will be good.
Did I mention how proud I am of the little adult he’s become?