I have 5 drafts I was supposed to work on today. But writing is deeply personal. In order to ring true, you must BE true. Being true requires writing about what is foremost on your mind.
Tonight, I am thinking about how I feel … finding the right word here is important. I don’t want to say abused. There are abused people, and I am certainly not one of them. I think ‘unappreciated’ is close, although I actually believe that I AM appreciated. What worries me is that I am not necessarily appreciated for my real skills.
(Side note: Alternatively, I’m a terrible judge of what my real skills actually are. This would possibly, I’m nots sure, upset me more.)
I feel like I must present my ideas, beliefs, and decisions very badly. They either are completely not listened to, or, if they are listened to, absorbed/reworked as someone’s OWN ideas. Part of me thinks this is totally my own fault. I am not respected as a person who knows what they are talking about. Personality fault? Presentation style?
Whatever. I just feel totally unappreciated. I’m supposedly a great person to have around. I’m a positive cheerleader. But trust me to contribute anything constructive? Never successful. This has been a recurring theme through my adult life. Most of the time I am happy to ignore it.
But sometimes it hurts.